Tuesday, December 27, 2011

queasy and uneasy

Well my holiday wasn't that bad, today i realized that ICLW ends today and i was so behind on my blogging, so i just spent the last hour or so blogging.
Yesterday i went to a friend of dh's house to a sorta xmas party, it was going great when the conversation went from holiday stuff to people who have kids and cant afford them, then one person pointed out that there are those who desperately want kids and cant have them.......i couldve sunk into the floor, a knot swelled up in my throat and as i glimpsed at dh he had a slight uneasy look , i just sucked it in and smiled not commenting on the topic.
also going on, all the kids seem to have a babedar on full blast staring into my eyes as they hugged their mommy or daddy, i realized that i love children and i cant wait to have my own!


  1. I feel your pain. After my first miscarriage I was at a friend's housw for a party and a friend announced her pregancy. Most people didn't know I had been pregnant. I honestly wanted to be happy for her until she announced her due date. It was one day after ours would have been. I ran into the bathroom and sobbed. Not the smoothest move of my life, but some times I'm not.

  2. It's so hard to be around pregnant people when you are trying so hard to conceive. In my DH's family there were two pregnant 20 year olds at the x-mas party....one was expecting twins which is okay but she already has 3 other babies under the age of 5. Although, she seemed very overwhelmed, sometimes I wonder if that's the way to go, to just forget about responsibility, planning, or financial stability.

  3. writerhughes :i know how it can be when it all becomes too much i too have done the bathroom sobs.
    nicole:i knw rite smh

  4. Hi, Jayton ... thanks for stopping by! I'm glad that you're blogging again ... and I hope that you find this a supportive community. I know I have!

    The holiday parties are awful, aren't they? I hope that next year you find yourself with a babe in arms to be carrying around, looking at the lights!

    Impressive that someone actually recognized infertility issues in the conversation you overheard!

  5. oh jhl it wasnt like a private conversation, mayb i shouldve used group discussion instead, i was part of said discussion altho not contributing very much, i was more captivated with the children runnin up and down, fantasizing tht one of them would run into my arms.

  6. Hope 2012 is the year to have your own baby(ies) in your arms. Thinking of you.

  7. Thank you for stopping by my blog. :)

    Many hugs to you. It hurts so much to know people can have so easily (and not be able to provide for) what those with IF struggle so hard to achieve.

    I do hope that this next year brings you your heart's desire, and a child in your arms jumps from fantasy to reality for you. Take care.